Takedown Report

Warner: None of us ‘deserve’ anything, in life or on the wrestling mat

By Tristan Warner

As the holiday season came and went, I started thinking about a potentially troubling word that we all commonly use. Harmless when interpreted at face value, I started mulling over the possibility that it could be conveying the wrong message. 
If you care to take a plunge down this rabbit hole with me for a moment, it may enlighten you, or perhaps dishearten you, as to how we may be doing a disservice to America’s young people if we allow the usage of this word to become a hindrance. 
The problematic word I am rambling about is “deserve.”
When used in reference to basic human necessities, such as in the case of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs, this word serves a legitimate purpose. Let me be clear that I am not questioning its usage in that regard.
This column appeared in the January issue of WIN Magazine. Click on the cover or call 888-305-0606 to subscribe.
However, in contemporary context, the word is often unfortunately used in a manner that assumes things always work out the way we desire them to and infuses a sense of entitlement, simultaneously.
Let me elaborate. 
Over the holidays, I heard this word used several different ways, but each time it seemed to insinuate the same underlying principle:
“I deserved that promotion.” 
“You deserve to make more money.” 
“My son deserved to win that match.” 
“She deserves to be recognized for her efforts.”
Notice that the word deserve is often used in instances to offset the fact that what the speaker is saying the subject deserved in fact did not come to fruition. 
Not always, but if you think deeply about this, we often use the word deserve in this way. It implies that everybody should get exactly what they think they have earned in this life, and if they do not, then it is simply not fair. 
Or it can also be used as a sour-grapes projection of bitterness to insinuate that somebody else received an outcome that should rightfully belong to us instead. 
In either case, you can see where the word can become troubling when the message being vocalized to young people is that you are entitled to any sort of status, title, achievement, or accomplishment in life.  The harsh reality is that you cannot always attain these desires. The sooner you learn that the better. 
This is not meant to sound overly pessimistic, but it is an important concept to be grasped at a young age. 
When kids grow up thinking they deserve to win, they deserve a scholarship, they deserve a spot in the starting lineup, or they deserve a high-paying job as soon as they graduate, it sets them up for failure in the long term. 
Or, more precisely, it sets them up to not know how to handle perceived “failure” in a healthy or productive manner.  
Because when you look at the big picture, losing a match is not a failure if you gained a valuable lesson from it. Likewise, not receiving a promotion or not being hired for the job you wanted is not a failure if you keep pushing forward and may be setting yourself up for something bigger and better in the future. … story at … WIN-magazine.com/None-of-us-deserve-anything-in-life-or-on-the-wrestling-mat

January 24, 2024 - Posted by The TakeDown Report | Uncategorized